If I had been the me (that I am gluten free) during all those years, would my marriage have even lasted those 20 years? Was it less than for more reasons than just my health? Would I have been strong enough to take that first step to move on? Would I have already had my education degree? Would I have been teaching through all these years?
Or would the marriage have been better because *I* would have been better? Was it all my fault?
Funny how being sick can leave a person with guilt over not being a better person (even though I had no blame in not knowing). But I felt the guilt of not being a better partner. And I feel the guilt of not having been a better mom.
I know I would have been a better mom had I been gluten free back then. I certainly wasn’t a bad parent. I sure would have been happier, though. I would have had more energy. I would have had more patience. I would have had more ambition.
Of course, mom and guilt are just two words that go great together (like chocolate and peanut butter).